The Weanie Index According to Susan

I am in charge of the World Weenie Index. I do not go by anybody else’s fear standard. My Weenie Index is universal and should be accepted like the Greenwich Time Zone or the Metric System or the Dewy Decimal System.

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A few of my fears:

Threatening signs about falling rock, gusty winds, sharks in area, trucks with no brakes, and scorpions; water snakes; flying unless you are in 1st class with Sulley as your pilot and sitting next to a hefty air marshall carrying taser; poison ivy, poison oak, and poison sumac; fire ants; demonstrations of public math and occasionally public speaking; heights*; electricity, especially with wet feet; jumper cables; propane tanks; bridges with an elevation exceeding 5 feet; zealots (Nazis and terrorists especially); infirmity; bungee jumping; swinging foot bridges; narrow trails on sides of cliffs; ringworm; chiggers; mosquitos; shingles (as in the medical condition); some children; and hurt animals.

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Things not to fear:

Germs; staying alone at night; homeless people; foreigners if they aren’t terrorists; dogs and cats in general; social embarrassment; medical personnel; strange men & women (all my friends and family members are strange); the dark; sounds at night ( I never hear them); driving; getting lost, monkeys; dolls; guns; mice; and sparklers.

Here is what I think. I believe it may be better to be surprised about all the things that can ‘get’ you instead of worrying over the impending doom. Hard to know for sure. I have a collection, of course, of danger signs that I will make into a necklace of sorts. Like a fetish necklace. Oh, and in England I took another fine photo. Danger-Elderly. Hmmm.

* I came by my fear of heights in 1st grade when I pushed my way to the front of the line for the big slide…In the end, it served me right. So I get to the front of the line and all 35 of the rest of my class clammer up the ladder right behind me. I am up at the top and look down and go totally insane with the GIANT FEAR and first ever anxiety attack. OMG, those were some mean, mean little kids. They pushed and shoved and worse still, made fun of me. I held on for dear life and wept. It was a pitiful display of cowardice. I am still embarrassed by it and have yet to get on a slide.cliffe_park_slide_400x300.jpg I believe this is the same slide…maybe not. Very similar and may still be in Shawnee, Oklahoma. There may also be a plaque: Scaredy Pants-Susie Maynor 1952.

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