Well Damn.

Night before last I stayed up until 1:00 am writing from the heart my reaction to mammogram. I mean it was moving and funny. I saved it over and over but I think right at the end I inadvertently deleted the text and only saved/published the title. I even had a photo of ‘architectural distortion’ from the internet. That is what my right breast condition is called currently. It means packed densely with something and it doesn’t look good. So here is the recap:

Monday I went back to Scott & White for a return mammogram…a 2 hour version that mostly involved waiting and going back in for a few more shots, then waiting, then a few more shots, etc. etc. Finally, the technician said she would go show the radiologist the slides. I knew when she came back with him, it was trouble! He was young, talked way too fast, which I told him, and said a lot of stuff that made my hair stand up. I had to speak firmly to him about slowing down. After about the first 5 minutes, I had to cry some…just too much information, too fast, and too miserable. An astrology book I read in my twenties indicated I would have liver issues….I believed it so this was stunning to me. Hell, my boobs have been full of gristle and calcium and knots forever. I hope the earlier mystery disease didn’t exacerbate this. It is called at this point an architectural distortion. I will try to get a photo. OK, photo NOT of my boob but from internet.

He said: 1. It looked ‘very scary.’ Because irregular shaped and no definite edges. 2. Biopsy right away. 3. Surgery would occur regardless of the results of biopsy because it was ‘very scary looking.’ 4. I don’t even know what else. I have said this today to describe my current emotional/cognitive health. I feel like I have Shaken Baby Syndrome. I don’t like it. I am weird and nervous and that is not the way I like to operate. So, I have some time to get used to it all. architectural distortion.jpg

Meanwhile Len is in Alabama and going NUTS. He wants to say and do everything right but it is hard because I am such a shrew and because he is who he is. I loooooove that he said to me, “Tell me the rules. Tell me exactly what you want me to do and not do.” This is verrrrrry good. I am insisting that he stay put because if he came home it would just seem too much of an SOS call, like call the undertaker and get a cemetery plot. Also, Len acts bizarre when he is worried…then I have to worry or be pissed because he is worried.

Carol, Steph, and Cee are in the ready mode and that is very comforting….too bad they are in Massachusetts and Florida. But the local girlfriends just keep coming through. I guess I will just have to buy cars for everyone. Today an emergency pow wow at the Kerby Lane Cafe in Austin. Babs, Belinda, Susan H and Jackie were there for frank talk and laughs and plastic surgery options! Edward followed with hair color and he ordered a Raquel Welch Real Hair Catalog while I was there, “just in case…” I love it.

I am going to paste the email I just sent to chums, so I don’t have to re-write it all.

Hi all….I am writing you tonight to let you know that this will be the way I will be disseminating the news regarding the breast biopsy and follow up…I get kinda crazy when I have to tell the same stuff over and over again and especially since it isn’t all that good of stuff! I will be thrilled to receive texts and emails but if you don’t mind, let’s hold the calls, OK?

Susan Lawson will go with me tomorrow to be the official family ears in Len’s absence (He is still in Alabama scheduled to return June 30. Just for the record, he wants to be here and was determined to leave the contract early but I said NO WAY. Not for this part.) Anyway, Susan is an excellent listener and will give Len solid, non-emotional facts more than I could. The radiologist has already said that even if the biopsy is negative, the mass will come out. I have a surgical consult with Dr. Lairmore on July 11th and they are trying to get me in to see him on June 27th before he goes on vacation!!!!! YIKES, I don’t want to wait a month to hear about what has to happen prior to the surgery….Belinda and I have plans to go to San Miguel July 27 —probably have to postpone that outing.

I am going to leave this Monday for Nashville for the MCEC annual conference—I am a photographer and have a couple of little facilitating gigs….Happily, Susan Lawson will be there too so when I get the results call, Tuesday or Wednesday, she will be there with me — always a willing listener. I will be back from Nashville June 24th.    I figure it is better to go and be busy than to sit here and stew. One way or the other I can still email you what I know and if you want, you can email/text me!

Thank you dear ones, I have two priests working on this already…! Routine mammograms are good.

Suz


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One Response to “Well Damn.”

  1. nancy baumann thurmond Says:

    Dear Cathy. Really crappy news! I’m adding my prayers to your priests! I went in for a steriotactic biopsy in Feb and they weren’t successful in getting what ever “it” is so I’ll have mammos every 6 months and watch and wait. We’ve been through trauma as well. I haven’t posted anything about this. Chris, our oldest, was the pilot of a plane that crashed may 16. He is ok but very traumatized as we all are. If you google “plane crash Pt Mugu” you can see it. He is a hero and saved the other two onboard. An engine fell off and another caught on fire right after take off. He crashed down into a marsh and the plane exploded. It was a fully loaded air refueling tanker. Horrific. Our youngest, Amy, was married 3 days later in Omaha. It was very healing for us all to be together for such a happy event. Then 2 weeks ago our other daughter, Jenny, fell and hurt her foot badly. She has a neurological disability so that has compounded her problems. I seem to burst into tears at the most random times. I will be anxious to read how fabulously well you are doing!! Love, nancy

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