This Waiting is Like Getting Ready to Walk the Plank, or…..

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…l like I am facing the firing squad, or about to get the needle. It is making my skin too tight. My neck is sore which I pray God is stress and not some loaded lymph gland. Noooooo, back you dark and scary thoughts. I just flashed the funny Flip Wilson talking about Satan….he was so funny.

I had to peel off my hormone patch the day before the biopsy…it hasn’t been nearly as dramatic as I expected. I have a few hot flashes and I wake up at night but usually go right back to sleep. The other night I kinda got stuck with emotional gravity which is really nasty at 3:00 am: All I could do is loop like a stuck computer with that wicked stinkin’ thinking’ Every ‘what if’ raged through my head. Shelly S, Mah Jongg friend and Jungian therapist is going to teach me some music meditation techniques and she says that she has a fun form of meditation using visualization….I think she said she learned this from the Cleveland Clinic; their studies showed focusing on the positive reduced stress hormones which impede healing! Furthermore, she said that this activity can increase a sense of control reducing the helplessness which also triggers the stress response and triggers depression. Very cool. I hope we can have a training session soon.

Max, former Temple High colleague and current handy man extraordinaire, and dear friend really is a God-send. He is a cancer survivor and has shared a lot of experience. I was so touched…a week or so ago he came in and we sat in the hall on the window seat and had the best conversation. I don’t know what it was specifically but it was just perfect. He is a prince. He has promised to come over after my surgery and fix me some sausage gravy and his precious wife, Kathy will make biscuits. Nummmmmy.

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I had this very cool dream the other night. I looooooove to dream. i was in a Food Star competition. I found a cache of big blue crabs from some nice people across the street (?). They gave me all their crabs. I put them in a bucket and drug them as far as I could across the street where we had to have our own restaurant. As I got closer, I saw this awesome restaurant the competitors had fixed up with rows of tables. The table cloths were all shades (or is it tints?) from white to pale pink, to pink, to red. Very small incremental shade increases. Reeeeeeallly cool looking. Anyway, by then I couldn’t drag the bucket of crabs any more because they were so heavy. So I set them on my TRAIN on the back of my dress….yes train, like Princesses have or even QUEENS! And I drug the crabs that way. Then I heard my competiors say, “Hey, I bet we might find some crabs across the street.” At this point, I started chuckling because I knew I had ALL the crabs. It became hilarious to me and I went from chuckling to all out cackling. It was divine…THE BEST Belly Laughs. I loooooooooove this dream.

I am wearing flowers in my hair…and NOTHING beats a gardenia…Hope I get to keep the hair!

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2 Responses to “This Waiting is Like Getting Ready to Walk the Plank, or…..”

  1. nancy baumann thurmond Says:

    Absolutely beautiful! Gardenias are my favorite. They were my wedding bouquet and we just had them at Amy’s wedding floating in bowls on the reception tables. Your hair is gorgeous…I hope you don’t lose it too. A good friend here had the same cancer only stage 3. She had chemo and radiation as well as surgery and is doing so well and did NOT lose her hair!! Happy thoughts and only good wishes! (I hope that doesn’t sound like butterflies and rainbows) I also have ALWAYS had bizarro dreams…I can’t imagine where they come from but they are always soooo real. Love, Nancy

  2. OK Susan,
    Just to let you know, my connection is right up there with those of the two priests. You are in my prayers. Frankly, I think that against all odds, you will keep the hair or it will grow back faster and thicker than anyone could ever imagine. Either way, you’ll be gorgeous.

    This is a good time for you to write one of those books that resides in you. Make it about dreaming. I REMEMBER SOME OF YOUR OTHER STORIES ABOUT DREAMS. Laughter and good stories make a great remedy for healing.

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