Today’s Entry: Do Not Disburb and Mad Dog Rantings

1202989601_f.jpgThis is a forewarning that the following I am posting is for me, me, me and my therapeutic journey. I hope IF someone reads this they will just realize during this entry, I am not interested in encouragement, loving advice, the power of positivity, stories about Ghandi or other superheroes, etc. It is unlikely I would starve myself for the greater good. I would save a child, an old person, or critter from getting run over. That may be where it ends. A long time ago I decided to share this space with people I hand selected that might find it curious or entertaining. Little anecdotes, travel lore, exceptional photos of me not looking my age and so on. And, at the end of every year I publish into a book…my diary.

Somewhere in the archives– I wrote about occassional dark thoughts but I never did write any and I have no interest in revealing a BIG SCOOP. I mean I have some secrets (mostly high school misadventures) and setting myself up for judgement, pity, and ridicule by barring my complete soul just isn’t gonna happen. Most anyone who reads this knows I am rich in character flaws. The Preamble continues: I am a Miss Malapropism, always using words incorrectly but kinda similar; I never met a punctuation mark I thought needed to rule supreme; and hmmmmmm, oh yes, in general, I am factually incorrect most of the time. Whew that felt good. So if I see myself really getting odd(er) and thinking I can’t cleanse my mental/emotional palate, I will yank this journal right out of cyberspace or leave this one and start another…called the Abyss. Damn, I am on a roll.

Ok, so why am I ranting? I have almost forgotten. Since the first chemo treatment these things have happened.

1. I have felt pretty good, wretched, discombobulated, and emotionally numb. Now let me make this absolutely, 100% clear. I have not one doubt that this is going to be just fine. I won’t die of cancer. It was, just for the record, always been the one thing that scared me —-less most of my life. So I have it. I think it is important to say this because I DO have a very good attitude about cancer. I had a pretty good week. Sunday, I came home, sat on the chaise here on the screened in porch, and wept for hours without any reason what so ever…well, I did at some point feel like I had swine flu with no symptoms. I mean it was an out of body weirdness. Thank you God, that passed. To Len’s amazing credit, he would come out every hour or so to make sure I hadn’t thrashed myself to death. He IS sensitive.

2. YIKES…..there must be 30 coyotes just beyond the trees having howlin’ fits. Len is herding in the cats.

3. I am walking pretty routinely again. I haven’t exceed 3 miles most days….one day 5. I have lost maybe 2 pounds but it is because my mouth feels like I have been suckin’ on a penny.

4. Things I loooooove: Blue Moon Beer, over ice, and diluted with water by half. This is my all time favorite, thirst quenching drink ever…best guzzled in the morning! I also love Souper Salad so I can eat what I want and not too much. I sometimes just have to have a fried egg sandwich! Tonight I had a very tasty sandwich–peanut butter & honey, chocolate sprinkles, sliced bananas, and walnut pcs. I am particularly interested in trying this grilled…Babs says panini makers are awesome…I will get one. i eat vegetables and fruit every day.

5. I also looooooove my posse and family. They are incredibly smart to look or ask the right questions before launching into almost any here’s how I can help you….I am incredibly good about telling people what I want and don’t want!

6. This is BIG: Yesterday I went to a Look Good…Feel Better program at Seton Northwest Hospital in Austin. Kandy at the wig shop hooked me up with them….it was such a healthy experience. Four other women. Two older and I….one of them a tough cookie who has cancer again for the third time. Two younger women…one maybe 34 a stay at home mom, the other a 20ish exquisite Indian woman. It was all about make up and they give you very high end cosmetics and show you how to apply them. Now keeping in mind, I am painted woman, and I learned a few tricks. But I learned so much more about what the American Cancer Society can and will do for you. It is fabulous. Cleaning, gas money, cooking, rides to appts, wigs, etc. I am not even touching it. Here is what I needed and got. I got to be around ‘girls’ learning about make up and not sharing stories too much. I needed to be around them because I didn’t know them, I won’t get to know them, and they were enormously comforting without any reason….and a real good kick in the butt for me.

7. My braid wig is cool.

8. Every day I wake up different and with a different side effect. Today I am covered in a rash but I feel awesome. Cassandra, Dr. R’s nurse said to call her tomorrow if it gets worse.

9. I went to see the Debt today. i reeeeeeeallly liked it.

10. In 13 days, this is the 2nd I haven’t slept like the dead for a couple of hours during the day.

11. My scalp is tingling…they say that is the beginning of hair loss. I have cute scarves and directions on making cool turbans but-not— out of t shirts. Kinda Grace Kelly looking.

12, I am done.

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One Response to “Today’s Entry: Do Not Disburb and Mad Dog Rantings”

  1. Nicola Mundschau Says:

    Glad you’re still “bitchy”….or this could get a little uncomfortable 🙂 Love you!!

    PS- unfortunately for me, you have most of my high school secrets.

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