28 Degrees Southwest of Exploding

I want some champagne. I want a bottle of champagne. I am settling for half of an Ativan, a Reiki CD, and some self-hypnosis. Maybe I will come down gently. It is Monday night and I haven’t written in a while because I feel like I have been on turbo fuel–ethanol-biodiesel-red dog-speed and a double shot of expresso with a Gatorade chaser. Most of the time I have been thinking, “I like this stuff.” Tonight I am wanting something and I don’t have it whatever it is. I guess this is why athletes take steroids–or maybe this is chemo? Who knows.

So in a nutshell, Len is in White Sands or El Paso depending on the day and time of day. This I think is very good for him. God knows he needs to get away from the fervor and pitch of this cancer day to day stuff. He gets very put out with me when I say this because he is a good soldier….makes me feel bad that I have been telling him all these years that if he got sick he was going straight to Audie Murphy VA in San Antonio. He is one hell of a care giver. Anyway, I think it is healthy for him to have time out. I am here doing very well in every capacity. I have had wonderful visits with chums for breakfast and lunch–all good therapy sessions. My friends are incredible. I think sometimes they pass me like a baton. I am never without cheerleaders.


Number 7 chemo seemed to go quickly. We (Suz) and I didn’t have to wait more than 45 minutes to get the show started. It is like catching a plane…best to get the first flight so there aren’t any delays. But only the first few ‘infusions’ were scheduled early–the rest have been about noon which translates sometimes to 1:30 pm. Just enough time for me to get some blood pressure going. It was lower this week and now I am logging it too so I can prove to the nurses I really do have erratic pressure. Just for the record, I am getting sick of dressing up for chemo and wearing my signature flower. I want to be invisible or at least tonight I think that…but then I have had a full day of showing off. More on that in another paragraph.

All I can remember right now about this week is that I was Wonder Woman. In the early days of chemo, I slept for 15 + hours straight. Now I run wild for 15+ hours straight. Friday and Saturday I took the prescribed Benadryl and down-dosed the Ativan….probably shouldn’t do that. I made Nutella cookies, chicken enchilada soup, great northern bean soup, brownies, and chili dip in one day. It was for the freezer, elder buddies, or for just something to do. It involved shopping at Gucci B, gassing up the car, and I don’t know what all. I mean it, I cannot remember. I played Mah Jongg and won once…this is always big. I had a facial that was extreeeeeeeemely satisfying….so much so that i drooled and snored. I will be doing that again, for sure. Let’s see, I also went to my book club, happy hour at Becky and Bob’s, saw two movies in Georgetown, lunched with Nina and Patsy on my birthday, I think….then with Jackie the next day, and went to the library’s new sculpture sign revealing….is that the right word? It wasn’t a dedication. Looks very good and I am pleased because although it is an Troy K sculpture, it is from a photo of a sign I saw in San Antonio. Just like me to take credit for taking a photo of something. I am pitiful. Here is the point. I have been very active. That is so understated.

OK, I have to explain the photo of the slalb of cake. I had breakfast at Papa’s with D ….two eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns. Then directly to Cheddars to have lunch …who could eat lunch? So I had cake! I am happy to report that I did not eat it all…but a lot…shared the rest with the buddies. IMG_1856.jpg

So when I get into bed I practice my self-hypnoisis so I won’t have night sweats and irregular sleep….but for sure, I can’t even get through the process without falling asleep very fast….I just do the waking in three hour intervals…but I sleep great in between. Dr. E. says I am doing great with it…I guess. The big thing I haven’t been doing is practicing in the day…instead of in bed at bed time. So tomorrow I will practice on the screened in porch with the fountains on…that should be very nice.

I have not walked at all this week and I am suddenly looking very flabby. My arms almost look bat wings. I am getting the tingling in the feet they talk about with the Taxol…nothing bad just tingling.

Ok, now for today’s hot news: Edward, my friend and hair stylist when I have hair, and his friend Chuck invited me for a make up session so I could get started taking photos for my cancer self-portrait. This was a field day if I ever had one. I am still the little girl who liked to dress up like Jezebel. I didn’t know until later in life that it would be better to aspire to be Joan of Arc. No, I liked Jezebel. I am about to digress. I was at Edward’s stunning house for 3.5 hours getting made up to the max. TO THE MAX. When I got there Edward had this elaborate and beautiful tray of grapes, exotic cheeses, crackers, you name it. And, oh my sweet Sephora, I never saw so much make up. Chuck was the primary painter but he and Edward were really teaming. I don’t know what I can say, it was fuuuuuuun and they were very helpful about moving lights and coaching me. I used my new remote, wireless shutter clicker…whatever it is called so I took the photos but could not have done it without their assistance. Did I mention they provided the make up, jewelry and sari? I will just put a photo or two to capture the moment…I have to do a lot of editing. It was so generous that I can’t even put words to it. A total diversion. I think this is high on the acts of kindness index.

I am cooked for tonight.

IMG_1869.jpg IMG_2001.JPG IMG_2022.JPG IMG_2091.JPG


3 Responses to “28 Degrees Southwest of Exploding”

  1. Susan Lawson Says:

    Very impressive photos – can’t wait to see the rest!

  2. camie sands Says:

    Susan, just to say that you are amazing and beloved.
    I read this and was humbled.

  3. Belinda Pustka Says:

    I LOVE the photos of you. They are glamorous and stunning

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