I Hit the Wall or I Hope That Was the Wall!

As I write, I am getting my chemo….it is a first…Len is with me tryng to ge a good handservant….so far he has run into town to get me a Crow’s Burger and fries and now checking out the juice choices. The Benadryl bag just started so I will start being woozy and maybe fall asleep at the wheel, so to speak.

Ok, since last entry. Susan brought me for my appointment with Dr. Rudd and the subsequent infusion treatment. — Len was still in El Paso. Afterward we had lunch then on home. Mickey and Morris had stayed in the house so we I got back I tossed them out the door. Then I crawled into bed wearing the wig and all clothes except for shoes. I sent the alarm for an hour but slept for four hours. So at 7:30 I called the cats in….Mickey ran in but not Morris. It has been a week and one day and it appears he is gone permanently. We have not seen any of the wicked coyotes but I am pretty sure they got him. Len and I like to dismiss this ending and prefer our own story. Morris took a boxcar to Chicago where he is living on better seafood and taking in the sights. This is our story. He reality he is probably in Tom Cat Heaven. I will say, without qualification, Mo was a fine Tom. He was philosophically opposed to using a cat box when he could ‘go’ outside; preferred to sleep alone, never killed a bird to my knowledge; and liked naps. Also I am pretty sure he was not gifted. Just my kind of cat. I loved him and miss him sorely. I called him different names. Morris, Mo, Maurice, Mareno, and Mouser. He was 7 years old.

I think other things happened. Len came home. I went to San Antonio overnight. Billy didn’t remember to tell mother so she was very surprised and very pleased to see me. We cleaned out her closet which made her so incredibly happy. Incredibly happy. San Antonio seems like a safe haven and I have always good memories.

What else? I have a new therapist… my closet therapist! She came over and in 3.5 hours, we whipped through my clothes. I mean she purged through both closets. She went through my shoes, belts, t-shirts, and 45 shawls. She didn’t toss out any of my trashy clothes either. I told Jackie yesterday that I had nothing negative to say about the experience…Well today, I think there is one negative. She arranged my closet using different logic than I would. Things are more or less hnug by color alone. I set up by color and function. It was very good….I got rid of a lot of unnecessary loot.

So this takes me to Thanksgiving. Originally dinner was to be at my house. Mother declined the invitation since she absolutely cannot hear. Then Susan proposed we have dinner at her house. I readily agreed to move the event. Billy called and wanted to know if he could drive Mom up here. I missed the real question, which I think was could they both come for Thanksgiving? Mary was working and I think he wanted to do something. So I missed the point. Len and I were going to the Lawson’s and I had made some delicious Fruits of the Forest Pies. Buuuuuuut, I woke up crying and didn’t stop all day. I cried and cried and could not stop it. Finally about 2:30, a half hour prior to our leaving, I called Susan and bailed for dinner. I blubbered into the phone but she understood. All I could imagine was a horrific scene out of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? My relief was palpable. So Len took the pie over and i changed clothes and went on a good walk. . I can never ever say how that weeping renders me. We had bought a small turkey dinner for left overs so we were good for food. The pie is realllllllly good.

So what was all that about? I think it is steroids and coming down fast. I am being weaned down. Started at 20 units (?) of steroids, then 10, now 4. Len and I had to wait 2 hours to get started on the chemo. My bones ache some. There is a lot of good going around in my head. I still look for arrow heads when I am walking on the gravel road; I still wear cologne; I still am eager for Doc Martin to start back up; I still wear make up; I still know that this too will pass; I still want a puppy; and a whole bunch of other things so it is not the end of the road. The wigs are the pits though.

I adore my Mother. She tells me how brave I am. Totally not. She is the one who is brave.

That’s Just the Way I See it!