It Seems to be Feast or Famine


There have been a few days here that I had absolutely nothing going on. I roamed the streets like one

of the street dogs but without their look of urgency. During these social famines, I am in a zone. I figured it out, I think. I am so 100% insulated and reeeeealllllly ‘ in the moment.’ I couldn’t snap out of it if I wanted to. In these lapses, I rarely have a reaction and not much curiosity. I pondered this novelty enough, that I finally Goggled ‘R Values.’ This is the degree that insulation is effective…..blah, blah, blah. What I conceived is while I am in SMdA, I often have a high R Value for (or is it of?) cognitive/affective performance. I am so immobile in the nicest possible way. Say an R Value of 50! This makes total sense to me but I better not try to explain it to anyone. Maybe it is like an opiate state….. total cognitive/emotional immobility. It is a very safe space. No response to anyone’s remarks, no wistfulness, no anxiety, no bitterness, no fears. De nada. So this is the famine.


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