hank·er·ing noun: hankering a strong desire to have or do something. hank·er·ing ˈhaNGkəriNG/ noun noun: hankering a strong desire to have or do something.

For days I have been hankerin’ to write in my journal. I just long to write in it sometimes—maybe because I am reacting to something in a big way and I want to capture the moment since I might forget it in an instant. Is it correct to say that my life events seem very evanescent? It is just so darned hard to savor the moment and live it at the same time. So I just have to write it down.

By taking so long to write an entry I lose a lot of the affect and certainly the context. So it goes. I had in my mind to call Tommy to see if I might get to go with him sometime to see Lolly….when out of the blue, he calls me…and invites me to go with him. I wonder if he was put up to call….I don’t care….I was just thrilled. I met him at Brookshire’s. During the drive to Georgetown he more or less talked about how it all felt and how visits worked. Sobering news. As it turns out neither of us were able to speak with Lolly although we did get to see her through a window. The staff member said it wasn’t the best time for her to have visitors. I can’t say specifically what that means but I respect it and told Tommy I was just happy to see her. She looks well and that’s all I will say. The facility is lovely and I believe she gets great care. Tommy did say it was ok with him if I dropped in to see her and to take heed from the staff on whether or not I get to talk to her. He also gave me some tips on ways to avoid agitating her. Afterwards, we went to lunch at Denny’s and had a good visit.

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Len and I went wilding in Austin this last week. We had a great time doing nothing but driving from one place to another. We were consumed for a while with the yuletide spirit. Then we rushed home to be with our hound. We love this dog.

This past week I let Lou, my aesthetician, apply a Jessner Peel on my face—For years, literally, she has been promoting this application but I have always balked at it because my skin is so super sensitive…I finally broke down and let her do it. First, it didn’t hurt at all like I imagined it could. Secondly, I had no side effects, and finally I never have had the big peeling as often mentioned…and frankly, as it is supposed to do…major exfoliation. I called her after four days and she wants to put more on in a month at no charge. She said she did a very conservative application because she didn’t know how my skin would react. I like that approach. I will say my face is as soft as baby skin.

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Patty C, my book club chum and former Library Board colleague, followed through with her plan. As a single woman, she decided a few months ago that she wanted/needed to move closer to her only family, her sister, in Colorado. So, she put her house on the market, had a couple of estate sales, and after the sale of her house—off she went. This is so big. I told her over and over how much courage I thought this took. She is looking to buy a house in a small college town about 45 minutes from her sister. She has zero connections to this community; it is simply where she is choosing to live. This takes guts. She has been a very active community member and will be missed by many…especially her book club mates. The last day she was in her house, she invited folks to come by and get a ‘till-we-meet-again-hug.’ This is so thought provoking for me.

I am helping a number of other women give a bridal shower for Lila. Jackie is the event organizer and she is perfect, perfect, perfect for the job. We all have assignments that were well thought-out. Eartha and I are doing the invitations. I am learning a lot. Katie has been helpful and has me hooked up with Paperdoodles where she has worked for years. Tomorrow afternoon there is a meeting to go over the details. Eager for more specifics so we can get everything ordered with a comfortable timeline.

I am just about ready to submit my Global Entry application for expedited immigration and customs re-entry. It sure is a time consuming endeavor but as much as I am traveling out of the country it is worth it to me. I THINK I have finally cleared up my mailing address problem. I just thought I lived in Salado! But now I think I really do. It is all tied to 911 assignments! This has taken hours and hours to figure out and I am almost afraid to say I have it figured out…it is a bureaucratic web with the same mechanizations as the Obama Health Care Plan. I had to determine which countries I have visited in the past 5 years (15), my work history for the past 5 years (tricky with the consulting work), and other such information….ok, then you pay $100.00, drive to Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, or Houston for a one-on-one interview. Well, I am almost afraid to send it off….I did have that issue with customs when I inadvertently brought in an orange from Mexico and then the time I listed seed packets on my customs claim from UK. I sure hope those incidents don’t keep me from getting clearance.

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Gads, I haven’t written about Thanksgiving and Baby David’s birthday. Billy drove David’s new monster truck up here toting Grandma and Baby David…who is now 22 or 23 years old and a 2nd Lt in the US Army! Mom tells me on the sly that it is not comfortable to ride in—Mom is getting very funny about her sidebar remarks…and some not so on the sly. She told Billy the other day (when he came in the house on one of a dozen daily checks) that he had a ‘drinker’s nose!’ He doesn’t drink. God only knows what she says about me…in fact Billy and I like to tell each other the funny things she says about the other! Ok, on to

Thanksgiving. Here is why it is good. They only stay just a short while because they are all dying to get home to their own worlds…and same here I guess. The meal is all purchased except for some odd thing I think up that no one wants to eat. Mom usually says something like, “What is this?” There were a couple of good photos except that they are blurry.

My hope is that Bill and David bring Mom up for Christmas dinner too. I think it might be soup….Mom likes getting out and she will love or hate my modern Christmas tree….either way she will make herself abundantly clear.

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Last night out Salado Book Club had our Christmas soiree here. The ladies don’t like to come here in the winter because it is dark and they mutter a lot about the trees and not being able to see. Len had an electrician come out today to put in a huge light out by the cattle guard…that probably won’t be sufficient for them either ☺. We may have to start meeting in the mornings so there will be no danger of hitting trees, falling asleep at the wheel, or falling in a ditch. I have to face it, we are not spring chickens. It was a good party/discussion. I am attaching photos of our books for this coming year. Patty called from Colorado and her new life. I hate change.

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In addition to book club soiree, I am having our December Killeen birthday party here next week…..I decided in the throws of all of this that it was time to start purging the house again. So the first thing to go was the Christmas tree–I gave it to Susan’s library at Salado High School—this meant I needed something to put up for my parties. I chose 3 saplings from my fence line and Max cut them for me…then made stands for them. Two are on the porch and the big one, which is in my opinion absolutely perfect, is in the house. It would be really awesome in a spiffy condo.** Mom will think it is odd and like eating ‘new age green beans.’ Those are green beans not cooked to the mushy stage.

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After getting rid of the tree, I then called Pam’s first born, Erik to come for the Catrinas. After Pam died, Erik had a skeleton head tattooed on his torso. I smile at this. It made sense to him and that’s what matters. Anyway, I felt like it was time to part with my two Catrinas, so I called him to come get them…he brought Katie which made it an event….photo shows Erik and one of the Catrinas.

I have to digress….I just learned this cartoonist, Jose Guadalupe Posada created the Catrina—she appeared sometime between 1910 and 1913 when he died, in an engraving that mocked those who pretended to be a higher class… even if it meant starving themselves to be scary thin…she was the most famous of his illustrations. A little trivia.   

I want to do something odd. I want to stir stuff up. Perhaps a bongo recital, featuring me at the bongos in a long prom-like dress? I just love the idea of sending out printed invitations to a disparate audience for a black tie event. No one would get it, as there is nothing really to get except that I am borderline crazy as a coot. I mean it, how would you hold your face if you went to a bongo recital?

Back to the house purging. I have taken boxes of books to the library and bags of clothes to the hospice thrift shop too. I have tossed or burned all kinds of documents including certificates, articles, and awards. Looking at them now, they seem foolish attempts to seem to be something other than who I am….yikes, wait a minute….kinda like Posada’s Catrina. Anyway, I IMG_9066.JPG IMG_9063.JPG IMG_9064.JPG IMG_9065.JPG want some photos to remind me of how silly it all can be in RETROSPECT. Maybe it is like all accouterments….housing, furnishings, clothing, jewelry, make up, cars, friends, etc. Trappings of who we want to be or to have others think we are. Holy cow, I might be having a deep thought, albeit fleeting. I better let it go before I get scared. I am smiling now. When Lolly would listen to someone talk (often me), she would say, “Gosh, that’s deep.” That meant she had no idea what I was talking about.

In the throws of all this manic purging, I also have been whipping up jars of Cranberry Orange Marmalade. Nothing wrong with me that a little OCD medicine wouldn’t fix!

I guess Len is entering a transition too. On his own initiative, he called the VA loan folks to see if we would qualify for a 2nd VA house loan…I THINK that is what he said. I am often wrong about such things. Anyway, we do qualify and we have a super credit rating so Len is keen on going to SAT to check out the condos. Hmmm, I wonder what this all means? I wonder if I am being put out to pasture?

Before I think too much about that, I want to record that today I had lunch in San Antonio with Fred and Ron from San Miguel….It was a lunch of smiles.

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2 Responses to “hank·er·ing noun: hankering a strong desire to have or do something. hank·er·ing ˈhaNGkəriNG/ noun noun: hankering a strong desire to have or do something.”

  1. This entry answered some thoughts/musings that I have had the past few days. Lolly is constantly on my mind, especially here at Christmas time. I have unearthed dear items that she either gave or made me. Each time I found one I teared up Oh…Jackie and I recently recalled (on the way to Bab’s house in the dark) the slumber party we had at your house and how much fun we had. I vividly remember lots of details like the day after the party. I love you, Suz!

    Psta

    • drycreekherbs Says:

      Yes it wass a good slumber party and I imagine my last! The next morning I learned that Pam had died. It has been 10 years.

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