So What Do I Know? A Short Paragraph on Regret

Well now, that feels better. I am going to write about regret and fear at length, but not now. I am such a priss. I say, oh so sagely, that I never want to have fear, regret, guilt, and something else I can’t remember presently. Now that I am aging and walking in the shadow of death, I might be changing my tune. Well, maybe I will say that I do regret not studying harder…I just didn’t study and who knows what all I missed. For sure I missed being asked in to the National Honor Society at Tech because of my poor undergraduate grades. Who knew I was going to want to be a scholar later in life? So I am letting that go. No one has asked me recently about my grades. They might just surmise I am not too bright or on the positive end they might assume I am brilliant. I am not over-thinking this one. So sooner or later I am going to write about my status on regret…just not now.

The week before Christmas I lost earrings….two sets-one lost from each pair. One pair expensive the other cheap and I loved both pairs. Of course, I lost them in either HEB or Wal-Mart so the chance for recovery is zilch. Nevertheless, I went back and stood in line at customer service to hear the bad news. The good news is that I can get the expensive pair replaced in San Miguel in February and possibly the cheap pair if I can head up to Waco. Dangling, long earrings get caught in sweaters.

I also spent the week before Christmas whipping up Cranberry-Orange Marmalade in frenzy…I hope recipients like it….it is ok as far as I’m concerned but Max and Jay like it…no feedback from women so I don’t know to continue or not.

Ok, so I even had an oyster cracker frenzy and Kahlua cake frenzy. These things come and go with me.

My college roommate, Patt, called me night before last. Actually, her husband, Jake called. Patt has Alzheimer’s. Patt knows she has it and talks about it. She told me that everyone dies of something. It appears that Jake is very good with her. Jake and Patt have decided to come to SAT every February as long as she is able…Her Mother resides at the Air Force Village. Patt said that both her brother and sister died in February so she thinks it is a good idea to visit her Mom then. I think they are going to try to schedule their visit while I am in SAT…Mom has a doctor’s appointment February 7th and I leave for Mexico City on February 8th from SAT….so it should work out. Back to Patt. When we talk on the phone, she has to put Jake on a lot for information and dates, etc. Alzheimer’s is about the meanest of all the cruel diseases and conditions.

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I am doing a quick day trip to SAT tomorrow. I noticed Mom realllllly was winded Christmas and Billy said that this morning she was very difficult to rouse from sleep. She woke up, pulled her legs off the bed, then fell back asleep. I continue to pray for her gentle release. Post script: I went to SAT and Mom was great! She told me how much she enjoyed my visit and good conversation and that she could hear me. I think it is best when I go by myself and alone with her.

I just finished reading Tell the Wolves I’m Home and listening to i. I really like the former. The latter was good but ended so abruptly. I wanted a few more things tidied up. Len and I went to see Saving Mr. Banks—I liked it once I started catching on….I never read Mary Poppins nor did I see the movie. Actually, it was pretty darned good. The part about her alcoholic father hit some raw nerves for me. I was surprised to cry at the end of it—lots of symbolism. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty wasn’t all that spectacular. I do wonder if Steller actually skate boards? I am looking that up on Google. Post Script: Yes, he did the skate board scenes.

December 23rd was my 2-year anniversary since last chemo. It seems a million years ago. Two people today rang the bell in the chemo center…they are done for now and hopefully forever. On the other hand, Kristi’s Mom lost her battle with cancer two nights ago. We did our chemo treatment together.

Tomorrow is January 1, 2014…I am thinking that in addition to Black-eyed Peas, a New Years Dinner tradition could include canned tuna fish. Hopefully Belinda is coming by tomorrow for a visit…other than that we have NOTHING planned.

I have been continually beating myself up thinking I am on the slippery slope with dementia. I have absolutely no short-term memory but out of the blue I can remember riding home from the hospital after my birth. Helllllo, joking. So as an example: I heard someone say something about someone named Roger. And here’s the way it went in my head. Roger, Roger, whom do I know named Roger? Then I thought, “Yes, in college I was madly in love with a man named Roger S and in 7th grade I had a crush on Roger Jentzen who had a very big butt.” I mean it. I couldn’t believe I could remember Roger Jentzen…let alone his big butt. He also had beautiful skin and a crew cut. I also was wild about a guy in 8th grade who wore desert boots and smelled like Clearasil. No aftershave, but rather Clearasil. Not the way most of us want to be remembered….but maybe better than having a big butt.

I called U-Haul today to find out how much it will cost to rent a cargo van so I can transport my dollhouse to Miss Hattie’s Bordello Museum in San Angelo. Yikes. Although it is only $19.95 a day, it is $0.60 a mile! San Angelo is of U-Haul to San Angelo. Two hundred six miles x 2 = 412 x .60 = $247.00, I think. Hmmm. I think I will call the curator and see if he is still willing to come get it! I am afraid he will say no.

Diego pulled my white wool ‘string cheese’ rug apart today. I want to kill him. I think I can put it back together—owning a red heeler requires constant vigilance. If this isn’t enough, his favorite treats, which he consumes many in one day resulting in doggie flatulence.IMG_9205.jpg It is more than I can stand. I am thinking of the children’s book, Walter, The Farting Dog.IMG_9275.JPG

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2 Responses to “So What Do I Know? A Short Paragraph on Regret”

  1. Susan, do not EVER quit writing, no matter what! It is the most wonderful treat to read whatever is on your mind, not only because you make me laugh, but because you remind me that the weird things I think about are perfectly NORMAL, and I have a friend…! [And your mom is soooo beautiful. Liked the Guadalupe apron too!]
    Sally

  2. Nancy Baumann Thurmond Says:

    A shared memory…I also had a crush on Roger Jensen ( I thought it was spelled this way:) And I remember him exactly as you described!

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