Weird Me

Here it is February 2nd and I just haven’t written much in my journal this month. I am not feeling inspired. In fact, I have been in the dark, damp, windowless room of my psyche. I have forgotten how to flip my switch. I used to know a hundred ways to get pumped up but now I am in the doldrums. I thought I was feeling like a victim, but that’s not it. No, I just have no interests. There’s no place I’m dying to go, nothing needed to buy, and nothing I want to learn. It is like sticking my hands in day-old, tepid, greasy dishwater. Ewwww. Well, soon enough, something will come along and I will be boring people silly with my new blind enthusiasm. Actually there are a few things that could flush out all that emotional gray water….

I had lunch with Foy last week. I took him to the Hilton Garden Inn’s restaurant because it is quiet and I can hear plus he didn’t want to go to the other places I suggested. Amazingly, he loved it. It was so pleasant. We spoke at length about his DOD trip to San Miguel. He was very satisfied and not one complaint! He was the sweet, mellow friend of yesteryear. We didn’t even bicker. Hope it wasn’t a mutual malaise—with not enough spunk between us to even argue over the how to best make potato salad.

Actually all I do is eat out…perhaps this is why I have the bulbous behind. Sometimes I eat out with chums from the Birthday Group, Katy, L., Nina, Foy, Joann, etc. I could save a mint if I didn’t eat out and I’d probably shed some fat too. Earlier this month, I had some of the gals from the After-Cancer Fitness class for lunch….It was pleasant enough but it seemed I gave it waaaaay too much thought.

Len and I have been going to movies! This is a sure sign that we need some kind of stimulation. We recently saw Jack Ryan: New Recruit, August: Osage County, and Dallas Buyers’ Club. One thing for certain—movies are intense these days. I want a happy movie….like Song of the South or Puss ‘n Boots. Sometimes we go eat ‘out’ before the flick….This was at a local Taqueria Guanijuato (AND, just how many of these exist in the world?)…a new drink I liked waaaay too much. IMG_9411.jpg

The weather was fabulous after days of cold, gray Germany days. Windy, but that’s was ok…maybe blew out whatever pollens have been hanging around. When I drove to San Antonio last week, I must have collided with a wall of bloomin’ cedar. I sneezed and sneezed, my nose and eyes were runny, and my throat even swelled. I missed two days of volunteering in the center….no one wants to be doing chemo with a diseased Juice and Blanket Lady.

So what is my issue? Half the people I know are sick. Really sick. Some acquaintances have died recently. I am reading Anne Lamott’s book Help, Thanks, Wow. I have resisted reading this and nearly every other book recommended about prayer. This I like! Now I have to practice being spontaneous which should be easy for me…but I always thought it was best to get real holy sounding. Maybe that’s been the problem. God didn’t recognize me.

IMG_9394.JPGI think I might have the 2nd, B Hilliard-wife-syndrome. My step-father’s (not exactly) 2nd wife, now deceased, took to her bed. Literally. For the past two days I have been in bed sleeping between intermittent episodes of upper and lower gastro issues. Too much of this and I am totally weird. While I was laid up, Len took a very bad fall off his bike. Bad enough to go to Belton Urgent Care—nothing broken but probably a whopper of a bruise in a few days. After a fall like that—that hurts like hell, a good bruise to show is good, I think.   

IMG_9379.jpgI have an angel…Angela, is my little friend from Ft. Hood. She is doing some kind of transfusion every single week of her life and we love each other. She is sooooooooo interesting. She is tiny and Gothic, tattooed, pale, beautiful, whispers, home-schooled, belly dances, and needlepoints. She is spiritual but not in the way of her Mother who is a Jehovah Witness nor her Father who is an Atheist. I gave her a necklace I had never worn because it did not look a bit like me but it sure did look like her. I think this pleased her and so on the sly she worked for two months on a petit point — an Art Nouveau exquisite stitchery. She had it framed and put flattering notes on the back. It made me cry. I love that little gal. She thinks I make her happy but it is very mutual.

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One Response to “Weird Me”

  1. Because I’m feeling poorly today (and hoping I didn’t spread anything at MJ) I’m at the computer and, while messing with bookmarks, found the right link to your journal. So, I want to hear
    about the Anne Lamott book. That is one I’ve not heard of.

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