David Sedaris Saved Me

I made my trek to San Antonio to see Mom on Thursday. Each time I go I am fraught with despair for her and guilt for me. It is no win all the way. Platitudes from well meaning friends go like this. “Be glad you still have your Mom.” I no longer have my Mom. She is so insulated in bodily disintegration that she’s gone except for her core. So, I go and feel wretched because I can’t muster much more than an emoji face that she sees right through. A lot of time I cry with her.

So, David Sedaris. Years ago Bill Lawson loaned me Me Talk Pretty One Day. I had never heard of David Sedaris. I had the best laugh of my life. Shortly thereafter I read a second book and images.jpg I barely grinned. So recently I listened to Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls on my way to Mom’s. The Prelude should instruct, “Danger. Do not listen to this audio book while driving. Do not listen to this audio book unless you are wearing Depends. Danger this audio book may cause multiple leaking orifices. “ It was heavenly. This man is called a socially insensitive satirist, who although a critic of conservatives, is still hilarious. I am almost afraid to recommend the book. I’ve been shunned because of books and movies I have endorsed. Once Jackie and I took a school friend to see Bridget Jones’ Diary. The school friend thought it was crude and not at all funny. Another example, Cee recommended a John McDonald mystery to her Mom, Mattie Lee, because he was a Florida author. Her reaction to the book: “It is sex in its lewdest form.” Anyway, I have produced more endorphins listening to Sedaris’ book that I almost felt faint. I live for belly laughs even if it requires a change of clothes.

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New vocabulary word with a conversational rating of 10: Unchi-kun, a Japanese emoji for a pile of poop. I wonder if Words with Friends will accept it. Look out Susan Lawson. I’ve thought it through. I am going to say “Oh, unchi-kun!” I can even say it with many syllables that make it sound just awful. This is better than “Oh, shit.”

Thoughts on foreign vocabulary words: I am the most often corrected person in my region. Everyone, even dullards correct me. Really only Susan Lawson has the intellectual property rights to correct me. I gave her permission years ago. Not the rest of the world. Anyway, before I work myself into a huff, if I bandy about foreign words, especially Japanese or German, hardly anyone jumps up to the plate. I like this. I am just not putting up with this unchi-kun any more!!!!

I am a wretch. I lied to a Brownie this week. She asked if I would buy some cookies…I lied without blinking….I told her I just bought some when I really bought them a week ago. Why couldn’t I just say, “ No, thank you.” This is just another example of American moral decay.

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