Archive for September, 2016

Labor Day: An After Action Review

Posted in living to the hilt on September 10, 2016 by drycreekherbs

I started being phobic about flying in 1972. I was on my way back from the US to Germany. I was newly married—1 year to be exact. This was in the very olden days when airplanes flew early empty. I am guessing that there might have been twenty people, if that many, on the entire airplane? It was a night flight, dark, and spooky. I had my first of 1,000,000 anxiety attacks. Damned memorable. I was certain that plane was going to crash and burn and take a long time doing it. This was also the beginning of my macabre interest in air crashes. I worked right next to an airfield on Fliegerhorst Kaserne and from my window I had the perfect view of helicopters coming and going. These flying machines really were not supposed to be safe. Basically, I reinforced my anxiety every day. I am like that. Over thinking negative stuff. It is like a computer loop.   

I went to see a psychologist at Scott and White in the early 1980s to see if I could be cured of my fear of flying. He said no. He could cure me of fearing elevators since they were easily accessible but I wasn’t afraid of those. I enjoyed my chat with him so much I stayed on. We became great friends.

Later Susan Lawson found a book at a used book store written by a TWA pilot….this was years ago…maybe in the 80s. I can’t remember the title but it was really cognitive therapy. That book turned my life around—and with drugs I was basically cured. No more anxiety attacks either. Or at least, I say none in years. I am never one to rule out reoccurance. But, yikes, I hope not.

Sooo, for nearly 30 years now, I have been flying all over…drugged but happy to fly….all except in a helicopter.

In the early 2000s, I was a part of the Killeen Leadership Academy. It was pretty cool and unlike many city Leadership Academies, Killeen in conjunction with the Killeen Police Department and Fort Hood let us fire automatic weapons and ride in a Blackhawk helicopter. I jumped at the chance to fire the weapons but couldn’t make myself get in that helicopter. I was so ashamed of myself but there it was…I was still crippled and immobilized with an irrational fear.

I don’t know what made me decide it was time to face the music….I just hate fear baggage and have said too often that the two emotions I detest are guilt and fear. Soooooo, I was driving by the Bell County CARNIVAL and saw that they had helicopter rides were available and I guess I was moved by the SPIRIT!!! I came home and talked Len into coming to take photos.
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I will say, I liked it kinda. I held on pretty tight but I never once screamed, cried, or vomited. The scenery was amazing and I plan an additional trip. I would like to fly and land in our pasture. It was pretty cool. Just thinkin’, all though helicopter flying isn’t something I would encounter regularly…it is just the principle of the thing. I let it get bigger and bigger in my head because I fed that fear. Well, now that it is done it seems silly. Very silly. Oh, and no drugs! Yep, I am pretty brave.

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Days Later

Posted in living to the hilt on September 3, 2016 by drycreekherbs

The travel buzz is long gone and I mourn the loss. I always feel a little sharper after travel…all those neurons are all sparkly during and immediately after a trip. It sure doesn’t take much of the mundane to flatten my curiosity.

Today I should stay on the homestead….yesterday I had cosmetic tattooed lash enhancement…supposedly little dots but it appears to be more like a very thin line—that is very good. The color is good for me I think. The IMG_5830 (1).jpg aesthetician says within a month the vegetable based ink will fade by 40%…but after the touch up in 30 days it will last for ages. Post treatment care includes antibiotic ointment applied three times a day and no other eye make up. So housebound except maybe HEB where I am guaranteed to see 100 people I know. I love putting on makeup and especially eyeliner. I think it is like hitting a golf ball….I am just sure that this time I will get it right. The reality is I have such benign (so the doctor says) tremors that the eyeliner ends up all over my eyelids. I have the same issue with lip liner. I made it really clear that I didn’t want to look like a star trek character now and especially when I hit 80.

Other news. Well we are having my bathroom-rejuvenated…paint instead of wallpaper, Mom’s fancy chandelier installed, new quartz tub surround and counter top, and new sink. No big changes in function. We are also getting an outdoor shower installed but not a pretty one… just a showerhead on a tree with a rock floor and only tap water. Any peeping coyote that wants to see either of us naked can. The kitchen is getting a great big light fixture installed over the island since the last one caught on fire. Literally. I have no idea when it will be finished. Maybe never. I will move before I do another remodeling job.

I have been relocating items in my den and replacing the rugs…now I have a really spiffy black and white cowhide and less or maybe more hanging on the walls. I did take down the artificial plants. It hurts me but I know that it only dates me and contributes to breathing problems with dust.